My maternal grandmother is not that close to me. That gap even increased after my mother’s death, and I didn’t talk much with my mother’s relatives and they also wont talk with me either. but whenever my grandmother called me and had a conversation, she talked to me very affectionately with some sadness in her voice. she often tells me I am more like my mother and do a few things exactly like her like talking to birds is one of them.
One day she called me crying and said, “she missed her daughter and me a lot.” In the same call, she asked me to come to their village and stay with them for this year’s summer holidays, at least for a week. Actually I was more adapted to city life, and now I am a little hesitant to go to the village. My grandparents stay in a village near vizag. My grandfather retired and settled in this village for peaceful life.
I promised her that I will come, but I thought my grandma means my fathers mumma won’t send me to those people in the back of my mind because she too, doesn’t talk much with my mother’s parents. I still don’t know their reasons for that, but they do share some silent affection towards each other.
I learned this a few days back only when my grandma cried a lot when my maternal grandfather’s sister died last year. I had never seen my grandmother crying. seeing her in that sad mood is a very rare thing for me, then I realized that though people don’t talk more often, they do carry so much affection in their hearts for each other.
i forgot about this conversation and continue enjoying my days one day my grandma said “chinnu, this year summer holidays, you are going to stay with your mother’s parents only. we are planning to open a new branch of jewellery in another city so I will be busy with those works so going to grandmother’s village is the best thing for you so that you don’t feel alone here”.
I unwillingly said, “I will see, will think about it. “
I wonder how holidays come that fast when I am least waiting for holidays to come. more than two months of summer holidays announced. my grandma had already so busy with establishing a new jewellery shop by that time, leaving me no option but to go to my grandmother’s home in the village.
I called my grandmother and said would come to their house in two or three days. They felt super happy and said okay. I packed only for 2-3 weeks, hoping I would return early somehow by playing any of my tricks .
while I was waiting for the car which was arranged by my maternal grandmother to pick me, I was especting for the driver to pick me up, but to my surprise, both my grandmother and grandfather came to vijayawada from vizag to take me to their house. How funny is this? am I a bridegroom, or what total family came to take me to their home?
They started telling me so many things during the whole journey, but I was more committed to my phone rather than interacting with those people. I don’t know how much they felt bad about me, but we didn’t share much of bonding by then, so I was more of semi introvert type. It takes some time for me to open up to people.
We reached their house it’s all good. To be precise, It is a little clumsy one stare building. Though the house is big, individual rooms are just two. Much of the area is a sort of living room, with no separate rooms, so they allotted me one small room on the first floor. this is one good. the view of green fields and the morning sunrise moments from this room are super perfect.
it took me two days to accustomed to this new place, but I felt super uncomfortable adjusting to this new place and environment initially , and I wanted to return from here at any minute. I even called my grandma to say the same, but he didn’t lift my call. maybe she was busy, or perhaps she knew all my tricks. I felt like I struck here. but later, slowly, I started liking this place.
I started recognizing my grandparents’ efforts to make me comfortable and happy here. They are trying their best to make me comfortable. they even shifted the television to my room. i came to know that my grandfather had a habit of eating his dinner and watching the news of that day, but he sacrificed that for me. I was busy seeing some english or korean movies. they even filled their fridge with my kind of food, Though it is unavailable in that village. they managed to make it available by requesting people who are going to city frequently from this village.
I started liking the place and my grandparents. my grandmother cooked different dishes for me in the initial days according to my taste, one separate dish for me and one for their tastes, one day she asked me to try their mutton curry, though it looked different than how we cook in our vijayawada house, I tried it, how can I express how tasty it was, like from my eyes and nose water rolling out that much spicy it is, still I am eating it. It has some magic and is super delicious, but my only concern is that I drank so much water to cool down my tongue.
eating that food is like a war between my tongue and my taste buds. my taste buds tell me to eat more, but my tongue is resisting it. finally, my taste buds own the war, and I ended up eating more mutton curry and slept happily with a happy tummy.
That day I got an answer for why my mother used to cook super spicy meals, but my dad didn’t like it, and they started a fight over it everyday. My father argue that my mother had made some miscalculation and by mistake added so many spices to our curries, but once after eating this, I understood why my mother cooks like that.
A few days here really went superbly, getting up, eating breakfast, watching TV, eating some more spicy food, and sleeping. I felt bored, and I said the same to my grandfather.
He gave me two options: one playing cricket in our village itself or second attending music classes in a nearby town every day. so I choose the second, hoping I can be in my known world for some time. he agreed, and the next day he dropped me in one place, but it was not as I expected it was not any town or something. It was just on the highway. same paddy fields, no ibaco or pizza hut. I expected something like that. but it is okay. I really want to try carnatic music for so many days. It may help me to sing better with my guitar, so I opted for that.
Initial few days, my grandfather dropped me off and picked me up from the classes. considering his age, I don’t want to give him that much trouble. I already observed a few people coming on the rural rtc bus, so I convinced him that I too would come on that bus. unwillingly he said okay and now started dropping me off at the bus stop. what is this? I felt a little awkward and different when they cared for me this much. my grandma even sent me out of state to participate in the talent tests or chess tournaments alone. these people bothering me sent me alone to the nearby bus stop. later I said I could go and come home, no need to come and wait at the bus stop to pick me up.
I observed one quite different thing at the bus stop. there is one big cement monument with two different flags on it, and at the same time, the houses on the left side are mostly painted yellow and right with all other colours except yellow and the same flag I have seen on the monument flying on each home respectively. It created so much interest in me to know why they are this organized and planned.
My music classes are going really well, and I made a few friends here. one day after the class while waiting for the bus, they announced that due to road construction work bus was not coming on our route today and we should walk for one more km to the nearby junction to catch the bus to my village. construction work continued for so many days, and this walking thing continued for many days. when I turn on my music and tune up to some english songs, I can easily walk for kilometers with ease, so I don’t bother my grandfather to drop me.
All of a sudden, one evening, while I was walking on the road to reach the junction where our new bus stop to catch the bus., one person stopped me. he is super tall and strong. looking at me like looking down from the first floor, I said without showing any fear, “what brother, what happened?”
He replied, ” I have been observing you for three-four days. why are you following us? yesterday you did the same in my absence, and you followed my sister.”
I replied, “what?”
Then I saw one girl standing far from us. I can see her big eyes, a little nose, and super long legs from that distance. typically a girl worth following, but I never recognized her while busy listening to songs. I missed seeing her.
I said the same to her brother ” hello, I have never seen her before, and until now I never followed her. I am just coming from my music class to board the bus I am walking on. probably our timings matched. It’s a pure coincidence, brother.”
He asked me a few questions and confirmed my credentials. after some time, he said, “you seem genuine, and since you are from the south street, so don’t try to follow us in our village. you are new and came from another town, and I don’t like to waste your time and my time by telling you all this information. take this as a final warning and don’t walk near us.”
I said, “I will, and if your sister feels uncomfortable because of me, I am okay to tell her sorry. by the way, what’s this south street thing.”
He left from there without saying anything.
I want to make that coincidence of matching my bus time with her from that day with an intention to match it. started to wait a little longer at music school to come along with her, and one good day, she was alone without her dubber man brother. I went straight to her and said, “sorry, with a smiling face.”
She “sorry with a smiling face, no sense of any sorry in your voice, why are you following me?”
I said, ” actually, in the initial days, I didn’t follow you, but sorry for not seeing you for all those initial days.”
I sounded sort of flirting. I said to myself, “you are risking chinnu, just remember about her brother for a minute, but I can’t stop myself from throwing those flirty lines when I encounter a girl worth flirting.”
She smiled silently and replied, “funny, say this to my brother. he will laugh much better than me at your waste jokes”
Me “what’s your name?”
She ” dust-bin”
Me “nice name, but it’s not suited for your cute smile.”
She ” enough, don’t make me laugh more, my name is kalpana, and I am learning classical dance in the same place you are learning carnatic music, and the way you sing rishabam in your carnatic music class is wrong and funny.”
Me a little shocked to know that she knew me before this conversation. I was about to reply, but I came to the senses when we reached our bus stop and didn’t know how we walked that 1km without noticing. our bus came. we boarded, and everything happened like in a video game. I just remembered how she smiled and wondered how she knew about me.
The next day this time, I wanted to talk to her in the morning itself while going to class on the bus in our village. I matched my timings like that. but it wasn’t possible. her bulldog brother is with her, he probably eats me as breakfast if he knows I am talking with her, and they got down from the bus. I was really following her this time, but her brother thought I was just coming. haha, see how easily times and perspectives change.
Her brother is walking in big big steps, and she is unable to match her walking speed with her brother. she is walking like the sort of running. It’s super cute to watch her like that baby chicken trying to match her speed with a bulldog. I tried to listen to what they were saying to each other. I thought they might talk about power rangers or something. to my surprise, that bulldog is telling what he read in today’s newspaper. what really? who on earth discusses newspaper articles while walking with her sister?
Of all the friends I made in the music class, prabhakar is a complete bummer. I didn’t talk with him much, but he himself came to me and talked to me and became a little close. after the class, he told me so many things and showed me some good places in the village.
While Prabhakar and I were enjoying the hot plate of egg noodles, I asked him what had haunted me since I had come to this place.
“Prabhakar, why the monument in the center of the road has two flags and some blood marks on it.”
He replied with so much enthusiasm, “until a few years, maybe before you and me, these village people are super together. however, due to the minor issue over agriculture farmland became a big issue that turned into a rivalry between the two castes. The village slowly started to segregate, people became indifferent with one another and began settling on the opposite side of the road and formed north street is one caste and south street into another. The remaining castes are super less in our village, so they usually take sides and support only one caste. That’s how north street and south street formed, and they fight after that.”
He continued he said, “we never talk with the people of the north street.”
I felt terrible and felt like I was listening to some 1947 before India story. still, things happening here made me believe what prabhakar told me. even after listening to the whole story, I forgot about this issue and was least concerned about these caste-related things happening here. since I was not in any way associated with this issue, I may go from here within a month or so.
One day after completing my music class, I was getting down the steps. I saw her coming towards the fridge to drink water. before I went there, she left for her dancing class. I noticed her dancing with ghungroo attached to her legs. she is just dancing her soul out, with perfect dance movements and her long legs just moving according to music. and I felt like the sound coming from her ghungroo was like soft music to my ears. I stand there seeing the entire song. she noticed me meanwhile and gave me a sign to go from there.
Prabhakar saw all this, and I asked me what the matter was. I said nothing, “I just stood here to see how perfectly she is dancing”
He replied with a witty face ” I can sense what’s happening ravi, but it doesn’t work. she is from north street. they are lower caste than you Ravi. It doesn’t work. forget about it.”
I didn’t say anything at that time because I did not fully listen to what he was talking about. I am in different mode, but I was just curious to know what caste prabhakar belongs to, not to discriminate or any sort of just curious thing I asked the same, and he said “I belong not to any of both castes, I told about less number of other castes, I belong to that, and my family supports only south street people.
I am puzzled and can’t comprehend what is happening here. I am just busy with my own things. and I became so busy that I didn’t notice I completed more than a month here. One day my grandparents took me to town for shopping and bought so many dresses; it was like marriage shopping for me. they brought me everything I wanted. my grandma in vijayawada probably would have killed me if he knew I was spending this much of my grandparent’s money.
Everything is going super fine. me and kalpana started exchanging a few smiles and conversations when her brother was absent from the class. I literally prayed every day before coming to the bus stop that her brother should not accompany her that day. a few times, god listened to me. you can count it as most of the time, he doesn’t. whenever possible, she didn’t talk much. she was always in some hurry or something, but one thing I observed in her was whenever we had a good conversation, and a big smile, but within a minute or so, she became super silent and calm, carrying her dull face for the remaining day. I can’t comprehend what’s the reason, and she is like a puzzle to me in this thing.
One day, I gained all my courage and waited outside her dance class, hoping she would come out alone so that I could talk to her for some more time. she came out and walked towards the fridge, and I called her ” kalpana and I were about to ask her why she was avoiding me for two days before I even asked me anything. she started crying, and I was super tense. what if somebody sees this scene and feels like I am teasing her because she is crying?
But suddenly, she said, ” ravi, I like you at first sight, and I started looking at you frequently. my brother sensed that, so he kind of warned you to avoid any future meetings between us.”
I was more tensed, and shocked right now than before. I didn’t expect this. I didn’t reply to anything, and I sensed someone coming on our way. so we both started going away from each other. while I was going away from her, she shouted, ” do you at least understand what I told you right now? don’t you like me?”
I replied, ” will tell you tomorrow. right now, I am in a deep shock you gave me. until now, I never expected things like this will happen in real life as they happen in novels.”
To tell him everything that happened, I went to prabhakar’s home to look after him since he didn’t come to class today.
After going to his house, I exclaimed, “you were sitting here and eating samosa. why didn’t you come to class today? you missed a good class.”
Prabhakar ” No way, the first thing you should know is I don’t like carnatic music at all, I just joined there to avoid my father’s scoldings. if I stay at home, he is eating my brain to do something useful for my career. so I started coming to class, so no point in me missing anything.”
Me “really? then you missed one more important thing than.”
Prabhakar ” what’s that? is it our beautiful bharatanatyam teacher going to get married to our carnatic music sir ?”
Me ” arey, why do you make fun of everything? I came here to tell you one serious issue.
We suddenly diverted our topic when prabhakar’s mother came with a cup of coffee and a few snacks. At that time, those snacks were not at all appealing to me, but prabhakar’s mother was standing there to see us eating, so I ate a few and told her that I came here just after eating heavily in the house so that she would leave and we continue our discussion.
She replied, ” why would you people eat in our houses? she seem so disappointed when i not tasted any of the things she offered me. the second she went out, we came to our topic of what happened today with kalpana.
I told Prabhakar that ” kalpana kind of proposed to me and said to me that she liked me at first sight.”
He was not shocked by listening to that, with some sort of calmness, he said, “this is expected ravi, since you are a north street boy and that too belongs to one of the wealthy families in our village she would probably propose to you, I expected the day you start seeing her, why would any girl miss a chance to get in touch with high caste south street boy.”
After listening to all this nonsense, how can he talk like this about a girl who belongs to the same village that too assigned so many of cast-related comments on a girl and degrading her to the core? stating she had done all this for a benefit or some sort of selfishness.
I replied, ” how logicless you are talking prabhakar? i became very serious and kind of shouted ar him saying come to vijayawada once. In my city, everyone is the same. there are not this many of problems. are you people are living in the forest or what? have you all lost your minds.
He tried to do some management and explain himself, and I said enough is enough; I just don’t want to hear anything from you right now. I really felt you as my friend, and I didn’t expect you can talk this much nonsense.
I really want to leave him and his home as soon as possible. but I cannot go out now since prabhakar’s mother asked me to stay for a while as she is preparing something to drink for both of us.
So Then I decided to ask few questions i have in my mind ” Rangayya another villager visited prabhakar house while we are discussing about my thing with kalpana and he sat on the ground, and I observed prabhakar mother gave him water in a different glass than what she gave to both of us. on top of that, Rangayya even cleaned that glass when he is leaving their house.”
When i asked about rangayya prabhakar became a little frustated and replied me with some irritation, ” ravi, things work like this here, rangayya belongs to lower caste so they will be treated like this, what discrimination you saw here is very less compared to what actually happens in our village.
I didn’t understand anything. I felt something wrong here and left that place.
I was dull and thinking about what everything prabhakar told me about kalpana. I asked my grandmother and told her everything that happened in prabhakar’s house except about kalpana.
She said like “yes, things are that way here chinnu. people are killing each other over small issues. when this started, it was a small issue between two families, but politicians and some so-called big persons in this villages fueled this argument and added some more issues to it and made this issue rival between people and now it came to the extent that last month south street people killed one newly married person stating he married to a north street girl.”
I just slept restlessly with so much thinking going in my mind, hoping I would see kalpana tomorrow as she is the only thing right now that can make me forget about these terrible things happening here.
I waited at the bus stop the next day morning. though she told me to meet her in the morning, she didn’t turn up at the bus stop. I don’t know why.
But in the evening, kalpana and I met on the bus, but we didn’t talk about anything because the bus was super crowded. we get down at our bus stop. and I went to her and asked her, “why you didn’t come in the morning, and now too you are avoiding me? what happened kalpana?”
She was silent for a minute. when we got down to our village bus stop, she showed me that big cement monument with two flags and asked me, ” Ravi, which flag do you belong to?”
I didn’t reply to her anything at that time, and I asked her to come with me. and then I took her to a small mountain in our village, maybe she was feared of entering into the south street she held my hand tight while we were hiking up.
after going to the top, I asked her, ” kalpana, which flag do you see now from here.”
She replied, “from this distance and height, both flags look one and the same, to be precise i can not see any”
I said, ” you can understand now, I don’t belong here, for me, those flags are didn’t matter to me. what matters to me most is you and your friendship, i dont even know if this is love or anything. I am sure that we are friends. so i am saying all these to you as one of my friend.
She cried and replied, ” I like you so much, but I can’t do this. from the start, I was confused about our relationship. I laugh with you wholeheartedly but suddenly, the fact that you are of a different cast than me and it doesn’t last longer kind of thought comes to my mind, suddenly I become super sad, and my happiness suddenly turns into sorrow, and you don’t know how much confused I am. I really like you, but when I think about the village conditions, that’s stopping me from saying that to you ravi, that’s why I didn’t dare to meet you in the morning.”
I tried to convince her by saying a few things I knew at that time, but nothing worked. she is deeply into that caste system, and she is not able to understand what I am saying to her.
She left my hand and said, ” I can’t hold on to you. I am feeling so much pressure I don’t know why. and I don’t know whether I am feared of my own father and my own whole village people I don’t know, you are Ravi Yalavarthi, and I am kalpana reddy, that was the only thing making me leave your hand. I am sorry, I can’t do this. It’s like hell for me, leaving you and staying with you either way,” and she left, leaving my hand which she held for so long.
I stood there looking at those flags for some time, and I was silent. I really don’t know what to tell kalpana at that young age.
After a few days, I left that village with so many memories to carry to vijayawada and some carnatic music I really wanted to learn for years. my grandmother cried when I was returning to vijayawada. and I promised her that I would come again after a few days.
But it took more than 4 years to fulfill that promise. I recently went to that village and observed that monument in the middle of the road. those flags on that monument changed. and I asked my grandmother why a change in the flag. she replied that “our south street party leader didn’t get his MLA ticket in our party, so he jumped on to another prospering party, he changed the flag.
I gave a big sarcastic smile, and I spent two weeks with my grandmother, and she was super happy.
while I was here, I thought for a while I started preparing for the civil services exam in these four years. so now I have understood many things. previously, when I met kalpana 4 years back, I didn’t know what to tell her to make her not leave me, but now I have a few things to say to her and to you comrade.
Flags and parties are formed to make people unite. The first flag was invented in 256 BC to unite all the horsemen to fight for their rights over land and water. It was made to unite people, not to divide. when you see a flag or your fellow members, you should feel secure and not fear about them.
When I look back, I think the whole village has failed rather than I see kalpana failed me. because her own people made her believe that she couldn’t do what her heart told her to do, that people and village stood between her and the person she liked.
All I want to say is we can come out of it from that thinking, from that slavery thinking that one caste is higher over another caste. after all, caste is what we do for a living. It won’t represent what we are. the whole system made you believe that you can’t come out of that. and that’s okay hope kalpana too known this in all these years and hope she is doing well in her life and keep practicing her dance. whenever I see a girl wearing ghungroo, she is the first person to come into my mind.
I tried to meet prabhakar while I was in my grandmother’s house, but his father said he settled in hyderabad for his studies. I collected his phone number from his mother, and I called him right there. he felt super happy and said, “sorry for what I spoke with you that day ravi, after leaving my village and coming here to hyderabad, I really understood how foolish I was to talk with you that day. I am sorry,”
and he finally asked, “Ravi, Did you meet Kalpana Too? “
This is Ravi Yalavarthi and I will see you soon, Click here to read about other women who influenced me